Picture this: Two men are not getting along. One has the other hoisted over his shoulders.

Enter: black-haired beauty. Frame by aching frame, she bounces to the scene. Her jogging bosom tenderizes the tension. Both men freeze. As she arrives, she leaps slightly into the air… and when she lands, her breasts ripple and blur the… umm, I don’t remember… whatever was, you know, happening.

Suddenly, hoisted man is dropped by said perpetrator. And, for that moment, everybody is happy.

I know, sounds an awful lot like a rerun of Baywatch. Never fear, Brownistan wouldn’t Hasselhoff you like that. It’s actually a commercial for Egyptian media company Melody Entertainment.

If this seems like an exception to you, if this doesn’t fit into your baklava box of what to expect from syndicated Arab content, fair enough. I was caught off guard, too. It’s supposed to be hijabs and burkas and those poor, repressed Arab women, right?Well, it seems as though their businessmen have learned more than a thing or two from our American ads. Money and women — men tend to confuse their desires for both quite easily.

Check out how nearly identical these two Pepsi ads are:

• Pepsi, U.S. - Eva Longoria
• Pepsi, Egypt - Haifa Wehbe - Waa-wa-wee-wa!
  

Both illustrate this iconic Western woman who unveils her body but masks her mind. She can pass you flowers and brighten your day, and, by Allah, she can cool you off a bit. She’s distilled for her ability to please, physically.

For the rest of the world that still insists on being mentally active: too bad. This is the raw deal. Don’t worry, you’re gonna getting it, but with an added 54 grams of sugar…